Okay, this is starting to feel too self-indulgent, too self-absorbed. I'm not sure that's healthy. No doubt I have a ton of stuff I need to process, but I'm not sure it's necessarily the best thing to do it in such a public way. I can journal, and then maybe share some of the stuff that might be more generally interesting.
I'd like to turn away from the particulars of my own situation and try to generalize those to anyone in this situation. Trouble is, I'm not at all sure how generalizable any of this is.
Cancer is, from what I've read, a particularly idiosyncratic disease. The fucker. :) Everybody's is different. Everybody reacts to treatment differently.
Being a sort of brain-guy (been interested in brains ever since I knew there were such things), it might be more fun to bring a little science into some of these posts. Like: what is an astrocyte? What do they (usually) do (when they don't go rogue)?
Of all the neurons in your brain, the majority are glial cells, sort of "helper" cells (or so we thought, for a long time, before we learned how much they contribute to thinking). Sort of the Cinderellas of cells. Sweeping up while the regular cortical neurons get to go to the Ball and have all the fun. The Cinderella cells had to stay home and do dishes and shit.
No wonder they got mad. I think I would, too, were I an under appreciated, and yet essential part of a healthy brain. I'd be all up in those other neurons' grills. "You think you're such hot shit? Well, let us show you what we can do, you uppity neurons. We will cut you. You have made us feel particularly stabby."
And so, they did. Not directly -- apparently astrocytes are somewhat passive-aggressive. Rather than a frontal assault, they simply went rogue and caused enough swelling that the other neurons were impaired in their abilities to do their jobs. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is my edema bothering you?"
Heh. I should write a play and all the characters would be brain cells.
The brain is, indeed, a fascinating organ. I still remember that moment when a neurologist told me to make sure I cut my son's a little slack until they were in their early 20s since the male frontal lobe does not completely form until age 22 or thereabout. That part which controls the ability to process "if/then" scenarios and truly comprehend consequences of actions.
ReplyDeleteOh - lovely!
But, having now watched one go through all manner of stupidity and self-sabotage from the age of 17-24 and then all of a sudden seeing him "get it" I am fully prepared for son #2 (currently 17) to muddle his way through the next 5 years or so as well, and I hope I can be patient and remember that there is a truly physical reason he may not display the soundest behavior.
I like the idea of a play :)
Female frontal lobes mature at about the same rate as males' do. Your brain is pretty much done developing at about 25; the last to develop is the part that is largely responsible for impulse control, planning, consideration of consequences, things we generally associate with being "grown up." Takes a while for it to get there, and as we (as a culture) have continued to extend adolescence into peoples' 20s, I expect we're going to have to deal with the consequences of a lot of brains that haven't been challenged in ways that would encourage good frontal lobe development. Ask Erin. I'm still 12.
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