So, last might I decided to do some Googling and find out what the end stages of this disease are going to look like -- both from my and Erin's perspective.

Ugly.  Easiest description would be to imagine a brain shutting down over the course of about 6 weeks.  One function after another would go, one by one.  Muscular control, cognition, and so.  I'll waste away.

Makes me think there's gotta be a bus out there with my name on it.  I just hate the thought of dragging everyone through a bunch of care-taking crap, especially at the end when I am minimally-responsive (or sleeping 20+ hours a day).  We did a lot of the end-of-life wishes recently, and many of the things we discussed were on the list.  So we have that settled, as difficult as it's going to be for E and my family and friends.  I just don't want to be in pain, and I don't want to be cold.  I hope when this finally goes down, it goes down in the late Spring or Summer.

Makes me think also of hospice.  Or that twilight sleep thing until you slide away.  I just don't want to turn the downstairs of this house into an ICU, no way will our insurance pay for more than the minimal nursing care, and Erin has a job and a life to live.

So, many things to think about.  This thing ends like a slo-mo train wreck.  Ick.

But!  I'm postponing that shit as long as I possibly can.  I still have some fun left in me and aim to use it.